He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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