can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
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i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
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My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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