This girl is more easily done than said...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
