Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
