What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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