So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
