she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
