ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
