I cannot find my penis.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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