He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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