So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
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she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize