at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
