He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
