doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
