I don't usually arrange sex via text message
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
