break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
