We're facebook friends in real life
This girl is more easily done than said...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
