he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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