I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
