the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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