i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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