Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
