Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
