with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
