How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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