He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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