Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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