you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You took a bar mat shot.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
