I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
