I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
