dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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