I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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