her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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