Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
