This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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