"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
