I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
