please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
