someone owes me an orgasm
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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