that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
And then my night got REAL pukey
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
