Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
