I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
