his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
