All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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