saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
FUCK WHALES
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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