he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
