had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
