So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
