yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
