did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
