You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
