Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
