Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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