They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
