i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
