so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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