i would punch a child for taco bell
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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