How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
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My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
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I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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