I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
