You really coming over, don't trick.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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