I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
