I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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