The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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