u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
