he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
well you can't waste a boner
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
