Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
