Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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