I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize