I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Boobs are out for the taking
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
