So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
