i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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