break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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