You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
