If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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