I want to walk on stilts...naked
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
