She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
