im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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